A guide for Natalie's third grade team

Natalie's Voice

Natalie has a lot to say. This is how to help her say it in a new place.

ELA
Math
Science & Social Studies
Relationships
Illustration of Natalie mid-dance, arms stretched wide and smiling
Meet Natalie

A diligent learner who loves school

Natalie is entering third grade. She is hardworking, curious, silly, and kind, a kid who genuinely loves learning. She was diagnosed with Selective Mutism at age two, and through years of speech, OT, and play therapy, wonderful teachers, and a great deal of her own bravery, she has made remarkable progress. In familiar settings, Natalie talks with friends, works in small groups, and speaks up in front of the whole class.

Two things remain hard. The first is the beginning: new teachers, new classmates, new rooms, new routines. That's exactly what third grade brings, with three of each and transitions every day. The second runs deeper: making and maintaining close, meaningful friendships. Natalie loves having a close relationship with her teacher, but creating deep relationships with peers is still a real struggle for her. That is why friendship gets its own moment in this guide.

The good news is that with a handful of small, consistent moves, especially in the first weeks, Natalie warms up faster than you'd expect. This guide is built around those moves.

The basics

What Selective Mutism is and isn't

Selective Mutism is a childhood anxiety disorder. In moments of social pressure or unfamiliarity, the words get stuck, even when a child very much wants to speak. Through years of work, Natalie has built a lot of internal strategies to help her, and she still has a lot of challenges. For her, it shows up most at entry points into new environments and in building relationships, not as an ongoing inability to speak.

It is
  • Anxiety. A genuine "freeze" response, not a decision
  • Situational. Talkative and carefree where she feels safe
  • Responsive to low pressure. She speaks when the demand to speak is removed
  • Temporary in new settings. A warm-up period, not a ceiling
It is not
  • Shyness that she'll simply outgrow
  • Defiance, rudeness, or refusal
  • Disinterest. A still face usually means she's anxious, not bored
  • Something pressure can fix. Pushing to speak causes regression
Three mindsets

How to think about supporting Natalie

1

Connection comes before communication

It's not anyone's job to make Natalie speak. Her voice follows the relationship. The faster she feels safe with you, the faster you'll hear it.

2

Scaffold early, then step back

Remove the demand to speak only early on, then increasingly build in natural, low-stakes opportunities to speak. This is a temporary scaffold that comes down as she warms up, not a year-long accommodation.

3

Consistency is the accommodation

Predictable seats, repeated partners, steady routines, and regular check-ins do more for Natalie than any single big intervention.

The heart of this guide

Six moments that matter most

Each moment has just a few concrete moves. None is a heavy lift. The power is in doing them consistently, especially in the first six weeks.

Moment 1

The first two weeks

Why it matters: how the year starts sets how fast she warms up. Warm and predictable beats enthusiastic and unpredictable.

  • Greet her by name every day with language that doesn't require a reply: "Good morning, Natalie! I'm glad you're here. We're starting at the rug."
  • Ask in choices she can answer by pointing or holding up fingers: "Green marker or blue?" Hands out, let her tap one.
  • Skip the verbal toll booths. Don't require "please" or "thank you" to receive materials; a smile or nod counts.
  • Be delightfully unfazed when she speaks. Respond naturally, like it's the most normal thing in the world, with no spotlight and no celebration.
★If you remember one thing: talk to her warmly every day without needing anything back. She'll come to you faster than you expect.
Moment 2

Introductions & icebreakers

Why it matters: "go around and say your name" is the single hardest format for a child with SM. Surprise is the enemy.

  • Preview it privately, shortly before. Thirty seconds to thirty minutes ahead is the sweet spot, enough to remove the surprise. (Previewing the day before backfires: it gives her anxiety time to fixate on it.)
  • Give her a way into sharing. Agree on a private signal she can use when she wants a turn, or give a quiet heads-up: "I'm going to call on you once during this activity." Either way, being called on never comes out of nowhere.
★If you remember one thing: never let a speaking moment surprise her.
Moment 3

Making friends, this year's big goal

Why it matters: Natalie's SM was most intense from ages two to four, so she missed early social practice most kids got. Making friends is possible for her; making deep friendships still needs adult scaffolding.

  • Decide on her anchors as a team. All three teachers discuss together and identify one or two well-matched classmates, kind and patient kids with a shared interest, so Natalie is paired with those same one or two kids repeatedly, in every class, not as a one-off. The same partner for a stretch of weeks is how a real friendship forms.
  • Seat her near her anchors consistently, in every room. Her seat is her safe ground.
  • Give the pair a shared job (passing out materials, running the timer, watering plants). A shared job creates natural opportunities to work together, and natural things to talk about and do together.
★If you remember one thing: one repeated partner beats ten one-time partners.
Moment 4

Small groups & partner work

Why it matters: small groups are where Natalie's voice shows up first, if the group stays stable long enough to feel safe.

  • Keep groups stable for weeks at a time. Re-shuffling weekly restarts her warm-up clock.
  • Give her a role with a real job, like materials manager, recorder, or timekeeper, so she belongs before she speaks.
  • Invite speech sideways, inside the task: "Hmm, I wonder how we could make 27 with tens and ones…" [pause] "I don't see any tens rods…" [pause]. Wondering aloud invites her voice without demanding it.
  • Respond to whispers and gestures as speech. Talk back naturally, as if she'd said it at full volume.
★If you remember one thing: stable groups, real roles, wonder-aloud invitations.
Moment 5

Whole group

Why it matters: Natalie can and does speak in front of the whole class once she's warmed up. This just needs to stay opt-in while she gets there with each of you.

  • Make sharing opt-in early on. She raises her hand or gives you a signal when she wants a turn. When she does, call on her like anyone else.
  • Offer equal-status alternatives: show her work under the doc cam, write an answer on the board, thumbs-up votes, or you read her written answer aloud.
  • Include her in everything. Being quietly skipped feels worse than being quiet. She's part of every routine, song, game, and discussion.
  • If classmates ask why she's quiet: "She talks a lot when she's comfortable. She'll talk when she's ready." Then move on.
★If you remember one thing: opt-in now is what makes it automatic later.
Moment 6

Transitions & changes, all year long

Why it matters: switching classes three times a day means three mini-transitions daily, and every schedule change is a mini first-day.

  • Give each room a predictable landing: same seat, same routine when she walks in. She should never wonder where she goes or what happens first.
  • Watch for nonverbal cues of need, like the bathroom, feeling unwell, or being stuck, especially early in the year when asking out loud is hardest.
  • Set up a color-card signal. Keep a small stack of colored index cards at her desk: putting up the red card means "I need help" or "I don't feel well." It gives her a reliable, no-words way to communicate need in every room, every day.
  • Expect a brief re-warm-up after breaks. After winter break or a long weekend, run the Moment 1 moves for a day or two. It's a warm-up, not a setback.
★If you remember one thing: a predictable landing in every room, and a red card that always works.
One team, one home base

The home-base teacher

With three teachers, the most important structure of the year is making sure Natalie always knows exactly which adult is hers.

How it works

  1. All three teachers invest. Each of you builds a warm relationship and checks in with her privately, and each of you tells her explicitly: "If anything happens in this class or any class, you can always come tell me."
  2. Watch who she gravitates toward. In the first two to three weeks, notice which of you she seeks out, lingers near, or speaks to first.
  3. Name a home base. Pick that teacher as her official point person and tell Natalie clearly who it is. This is her go-to adult for questions, worries, feeling sick, or anything that happens anywhere in her day.
  4. Keep check-ins regular, not one-off. A brief, predictable check-in (even 60 seconds, a couple of times a week) matters far more than occasional long ones.
  5. Create a private signal together for "I need you" or "I don't feel well," so she always has a pressure-free way to reach her person.
  6. Share notes across the team. The home-base teacher shares what's working, from partners to invitations to routines, so all three rooms feel like one safe school.
Quick reference

Please do / please don't

Please do
  • Look for ways to connect with her individually and build a relationship with her
  • Respond to gestures and whispers warmly, as if she'd spoken aloud
  • Keep behavior expectations high, and correct privately, never in front of the class
  • Repeat instructions calmly if she looks lost; anxiety slows processing
  • If you didn't hear her, ask privately: "Did you say X or Y?"
  • Let her be a helper. Contributing without words still builds belonging
  • Discover her interests and talents, and let her shine through them
Please don't
  • Beg, bribe, or challenge her to speak
  • Make her repeat herself in front of others
  • Read a still or "frozen" face as defiance or disinterest
  • Make a big deal of it when she does speak
  • Take her silence personally. It's anxiety, never you
  • Dwell on what she can't do yet
The road ahead

What progress looks like

Children with SM find their voice in a predictable sequence (Cunningham's stages). Natalie has already traveled nearly all of it in familiar settings. In a brand-new environment, the sequence briefly replays, and with low pressure she moves through it quickly. A quiet start in a new room is a warm-up, not a regression.

Speaks at home; nonverbal at school, participating through gestures
Whispers to a safe adult when no one can see or hear
Speaks to her safe person where others can see, then hear
Delivers messages through her safe person to peers and teachers
Where Natalie is in familiar settings: speaking directly to friends, in small groups, and in whole-class discussions

Expect her to move up this ladder with each of you across the fall, faster with every strategy on this page in place.

Now what?

The action plan

This is the page to keep coming back to. It turns the moments above into concrete steps for the whole team, and it is the working draft of Natalie's student support plan.

All 3 teachers Home base Counselor AP / Admin Whole team

This week

Getting started, week 1
  • Whole teamHold a 15-minute kickoff with all three teachers and the guidance counselor. Align on this guide, brainstorm candidate anchor classmates, and agree on how you'll share notes about Natalie.
  • All 3 teachersStart the daily rhythm: greet her by name with language that needs no reply, and ask in choices she can answer by pointing.
  • All 3 teachersSet her consistent seat in each room and put the color-card system on her desk in all three classes. Red means "I need help" or "I don't feel well."
  • All 3 teachersTell her privately, in each class: "If anything happens in this class or any class, you can always come tell me."
  • CounselorIntroduce yourself to Natalie in a low-pressure way, and put the week 3 check-in below on the calendar now.

This month

Weeks 2 to 6
  • Whole teamCompare notes and name the home-base teacher based on who Natalie gravitates toward. Tell her clearly who her person is.
  • All 3 teachersLock in the one or two anchor classmates. Pair them with Natalie repeatedly in every class, and give each pair a shared job.
  • Home baseBegin brief, predictable check-ins, even 60 seconds a couple of times a week. Create the private "I need you" signal together.
  • All 3 teachersSet up opt-in sharing in whole group: her signal when she wants a turn, or a quiet preview 30 seconds to 30 minutes ahead, like "I'm going to call on you once during this activity."
  • CounselorCheck in with the home-base teacher at week 3. If friendships need a boost, consider a small lunch group with Natalie and her anchors.
  • AP / AdminMake sure schedule changes and sub plans reach the team early, so routines stay predictable in all three rooms.

This quarter

By fall conferences
  • Whole teamMeet once as a full team, teachers plus counselor plus AP, to review what's working and write it into Natalie's student support plan so it travels with her.
  • All 3 teachersStart stepping the scaffolds back. Add more natural, low-stakes invitations to speak, and retire supports she no longer needs.
  • Home baseDo a friendship depth check. Is she seeking her anchors out on her own, at recess and lunch? Adjust the pairings if a match isn't taking.
  • Whole teamShare progress with her family at conferences: where she is on the ladder in each room, and what comes next.
  • All 3 teachersPlan the re-warm-up: after winter break, run the first-week moves again for a day or two.
★ Bring this tab to every team meeting. When something works, write it into the support plan. When a scaffold stops being needed, quietly retire it and celebrate.
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